The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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