sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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