I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
