Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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