i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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