walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
