Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
