"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
