why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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