i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
