Old men and throwing up are my life now.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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