and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
