I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
