She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
