I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
