i always forget guys have bellybuttons
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
