i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
