Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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