i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
