I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
