You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
