Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
