Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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