True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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