she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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