i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
