Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
