You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
