the condom got lost in my hair
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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