What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
