Plan B is the new Plan A
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
