if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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