i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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