Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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