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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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