Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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