just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
