9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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