i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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