i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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