You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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