The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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