i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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