I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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