you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
