I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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