Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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