I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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