He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
