please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
