Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
