I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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