I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
