ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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