so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
