I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
