when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
