And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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