Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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