Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
