There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
