Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
