no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
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Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
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My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.