So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?