Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
