Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
