Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
