my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
