I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
