Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
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